This post is going to be written in the present tense, but I am not going to post it until many weeks from now. (The post was written on March 4, 2011).
This morning I found out I am pregnant with our third child. I can't type the exciting and scary emotions I am feeling right now. When I found out I was pregnant with Jack, I was scared because it was the GREAT unknown. What if I didn't like being a mother? What if I am not any good at it? I then suffered from antepartum depression until I was 5 months pregnant. It wasn't fun. Then my hormones must have shifted because the cloud lifted and I started to enjoy the pregnancy. I am not going to post my birth story for Jack here (yet), but I will say the pregnancy ended in a c-section. I recovered and realized that Jack was the thing missing from Doug and my life. I loved being a mother. With all my heart. It took us about 5 months to get pregnant, but we were never really "trying".
Then I found out I was pregnant for Abby when Jack was around 14 months old. I pretty much freaked out because I wanted them to be at least 2 years apart and they were only going to be 22 months apart. I quickly accepted it and moved on. Most of Abby's pregnancy was spent chasing a toddler and obsessing over achieving a VBAC. I was again, at the site of the positive test result scared because I was unsure of handling two young children. I had my VBAC, met my little (ha!) Abby and immediately realized, I gave Jack the best gift, a sibling.
So, here I am again. This morning, when I saw the positive result, I didn't get out 2 more tests in disbelief (like I did with the previous 2 pregnancies). I am not as scared. I know I can handle multiple children and I had a vaginal birth, so I really think I will be able to enjoy this pregnancy. I am excited.
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